How To Talk To Your Kids About… 9/11
Hi Panda Pals,
9/11 is just a few days away and it got me thinking about where I was that fateful day in 2001 - I was working in my first job in Boston. I can hardly believe that was more than 20 years ago and there is now a generation of kids, like my own, who weren’t alive when it happened.
When September 11th comes each year, I am sad and heartbroken with the memories from that day. It’s so much easier for me to just avoid it and ignore it. But, I haven't shied away from tough topics before. Previously, I wrote about “How to speak with kids about …scary events, like last week’s events in Atlanta,” and also about “How to speak to your older kids about Juneteenth and Slavery.” In the latter I wrote, "I am on a journey to help our children understand the world around them, and I find myself in a place where I need to have the courage to be the parent I want to be for my children.”
So here I am taking my own advice. I know in my heart that as a parent, my girls should know about what happened. Time to talk to the girls about 9/11. For reals.
Sometimes the hardest part of these kinds of discussion is just knowing where to begin. And like in the Juneteenth blog, we want to create the opportunity for parents and caregivers to have a discussion with their children about it - if they want to. Below are tips and talking points on how to have this hard conversation with your kids.
Sincerely,
Deb
How to Talk to Your Kids About 9/11
Introduce the topic by mentioning a reference to it. Dancing Panda has a trivia question that references the Twin Towers which is a great way to warm up to the topic. No need to immediately jump into the heavy stuff. This also can help you gauge how much your child may already know about the topic.
“Hey, that trivia question was fun, right? Did you know the two buildings that guy walked between were called the twin towers? They used to be in New York City, but about 20 years ago they fell down. Did you know about that?
Once you get a sense of what they know and don’t know, then add more details. Ask your child to share what they have learned and engage in a conversation with them about it.
“Oh so you learned about 9/11 in school? What happened on that day? How did you talk about it in class? What did your teacher say about it?”
Be prepared to explain what 9/11 is, and use facts and plain language that kids can understand. I’m assuming my youngest, won’t know what 9/11 is. I plan to say something like this (which is slightly modified version that I found in an NPR article I found to help teachers discuss the topic with their students):
“On September 11, 2001, a group of people took over two airplanes that flew them into the twin towers, the skyscrapers we saw in the trivia activity. After several explosions, both buildings fell down, and it killed nearly 3,000 people. On that same day, two other airplanes were stolen and one was flown to Washington DC and the other crashed in a field in Pennsylvania, and sadly over 100 people died from those two other airplanes.”
Don’t be afraid to share what the day means to you and how it makes you feel. Sharing how something makes you feel shows kids it’s ok to talk about our feelings.
“I was living in Boston and working my first job on that day. I remember it happened just as I was starting my work day. I had just gotten to work, and someone saw something about it on a news website. All the news websites suddenly stopped working because everyone was trying to get on their websites and figure out what was happening on. Then one of my colleagues had the brilliant idea to go to bbc.com - a british news website - and that’s when we learned what was happening. It was so scary. And I had friends working in NYC at the time. Now everytime September 11th happens, I get really sad, because I remember that day.”
Your kids will likely ask a lot of questions and it’s ok that you don’t know all the answers.
“Who were the people who hijacked the airplane and why would they do that?
That’s a really good question. Later the police found out that it was a terrorist group called ‘al-Qaida.” I think this group of people didn’t like the United States.
Why didn’t they like our country?
I’m not sure. I think they must have been mad about something.”
For older kids (in grade 3 and above), this is also an opportunity to talk about discrimination and Islamophobia. Unfortunately, this happened here in our country but it’s important to discuss and talk about with our kids.
“Maddie, after the 9/11 attacks, many people thought the attackers were Muslim. This made a lot of people believe that all Muslim people were terrorists and bad. This was very wrong.”
Reassure kids that they are safe. Talking about something like this is scary. Tell kids they are safe, and give them a hug. I borrowed some words from a Today.com article on how to talk to kids and make them feel safe.
“I know this is a scary story. Mommy and Daddy are here to protect you, and there are lots of other grownups working hard to make sure nothing like this ever happens again.”
Transition the conversation to a place of hope. A way to continue the conversation is on all the good that happened as a result of a tragic event. Share with them how so many brave and courageous people went to help.
“I know this is a really sad and scary thing that happened. But one of the things that did happen that I still remember is how many brave people came out to help everyone in NYC afterwards. Fireman and paramedics from all over the country came to NYC to help. I remember even kids from my hometown organized to make sandwiches for all the volunteers in NYC. I thought that was so cool that even kids found a way to help.“
End the conversation on why you are telling them and make a connection to something in their own world. The why is important - otherwise they will be like “why is dad telling me this?!”
“I wanted to tell you about it because you may hear your friends and teacher talking about it, and I want you to know about what happened. It’s also a part of American history.
Additional Resources for Families
I found some other resources that might be of interest:
Here’s an NPR article called, “How To Talk About 9/11 With A New Generation Of Kids” that shares how educators on how to talk about 9/11 with students. The advice they give is very good - and can be modified for parents and caregivers too.
The 9/11 Memorial and Museum also have some resources as well. Here’s one for families called, “Talking to Children about Terrorism. “
I like this today.com article called, “How to talk to your kids about September 11: An age-by-age guide“ because it gives different advice for different age groups. However, I think there’s a distinction between younger and older elementary kids. The preschool advice they give will work for kids in grades K-2, and the elementary school advice they give will work for kids in grades 3-5.
Our kids value our experiences and perspective and they love learning from us. One of Dancing Panda’s core values is courage. And we hope that this blog plus our 9/11 Trivia question will help you be brave and empower you to have a powerful conversation with your kids.
